Anxiety Can Feel Like a Relentless Force

Working with anxiety in private practice with clients as a therapist and in the acute setting as a nurse can be a challenging process. It is uncomfortable and often scary; clients and patients want it gone.

Anxiety can feel like a relentless force, a tightening in your chest, a fast heartbeat, and a clouding of your mind with doubt or dread. It causes distress and even panic, especially when it shows up with such force that we seek medical attention.

When others tell us that it is just anxiety, this could be the beginning of a negative relationship with it.

But what if we started to think about anxiety not as an enemy to fight, but as a messenger with a need? What if the voice of anxiety is, at its core, an inner critic that acts more like a child calling for help?

The Inner Critic as a Child with a Need

Many of us are familiar with the “inner critic idea”—that persistent internal voice that questions our worth, warns of danger, or insists we’re not doing enough. But when we look closer, this critic isn’t necessarily cruel for cruelty's sake.

It often emerges from fear, a desire to protect, and unacknowledged unmet needs.

Imagine the inner critic as a young child. At first, this child tries to get your attention gently. They tug at your sleeve. “I’m uncomfortable,” they whisper. I don’t feel safe.”It doesn't go away if we ignore that whisper, whether out of habit, fear, or because we’re just too overwhelmed to notice. It gets louder.

The child begins to raise their voice, demanding to be heard. And if the need is still not met, they may escalate. They might throw a tantrum. This is where anxiety can start to show up in the body—racing thoughts, muscle tension, digestive issues, fatigue. It's no longer just a whisper; it’s a full-body plea.

Listening with Curiosity and Compassion

What would happen if, instead of pushing the critic away or trying to silence it, we met it with the same curiosity and compassion we would offer a distressed child?

We might say:

• “I hear you. What are you trying to tell me?”
• “Where did this fear start?”
• “What do you need right now?”

It’s a gentle but powerful shift—moving from judgment to understanding, from suppression to care. And like a child who feels truly seen and safe, the critic may begin to soften.

But Why Is This So Hard?

Of course, this isn't always easy. For many people, turning toward anxiety with kindness doesn’t come naturally. Barriers get in the way, and I explore this often in my work.

This can be where the process begins. It involves taking time to explore the barriers and, with time, working towards bringing those barriers down and allowing space to begin building a kinder, gentler inner relationship.