Caring for a Partner or Spouse with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) is a challenging mental health condition resulting from prolonged or repeated exposure to trauma, especially by trusted others such as parents or caregivers.
It includes but is not limited to symptoms like emotional numbness, anxiety, trust issues, and difficulties in relationships. For partners or spouses of those with CPTSD, it can be difficult to know how to support your partner.
Here are some ways to help ensure you are providing the best possible support.
Know the Facts on CPTSD
Understanding the symptoms and triggers of CPTSD can make a big difference. CPTSD is not just about past trauma; it affects how someone reacts to the present and shapes their ability to trust and feel safe in relationships.
While every person is unique, there are some common triggers for those with CPTSD that it is important for partners to learn about. Something to note however, is that CPTSD is not yet a formally recognized diagnosis by all medical specialists.
Therefore, in the course of your learning, it is possible you may run into (or read something by) a medical specialist who is unwilling to acknowledge the validity of this condition.
Become a Safe Emotional Space
People with CPTSD often struggle day-to-day with enormous levels amounts of fear and instability—far more than the average person. Creating a calm, predictable, and safe environment can help your partner feel more secure.
Additionally, ensuring that your emotional support is consistent is paramount in helping your partner heal. This is because many people with CPTSD grew up in homes where caregiver or parental support was on-and-off, leaving them in a constant state of anxiety and uncertainty.
Listen and Validate
Listening and validating are critical aspects of helping your partner heal. For many people with CPTSD, their trust in others is eroded not just because of the original experience of harm or abuse, but because of the repeated refusal of trusted others to see, hear, and validate their experience.
Therefore, offering validation—essentially saying “I see you, I hear you, I believe you” - can help build a strong foundation of trust. Additionally, it is critical to listen without advice-giving.
While you may feel the urge to offer advice, doing so can make your partner feel invalidated. It can also signal to your partner that you lack the capacity to hold space for their feelings.
Remember that they are likely coming to you primarily to ensure themselves that you care and are there for them—not because they need you to ‘fix’ anything for them.
Build a Support Network
While your love and support are vital, professional help is often necessary for healing. Encourage your partner to seek therapy, ideally with a psychotherapist who specializes in CPTSD.
Additionally, getting your own professional support can be incredibly helpful in ensuring that both you and your partner are getting the emotional support that you need.
Finally, it is important to encourage your partner (and yourself!) to build and maintain a strong circle of professional and non-professional support, as perceived social support is a strong predictor of recovery from CPTSD.
Have Fun Together
As you and your partner walk this road of healing together, it’s important to make sure that not every aspect of your shared life is focused on their trauma.
Try to find times to do the things that make life worth living—laughing, trying new things, going on dates, snuggling, etc. This will help ensure that your life and partnership remain healthy, whole, and balanced.
Written by Christina Ross
References:
Fares-Otero, N. E., Sharp, T. H., Balle, S. R., Quaatz, S. M., Vieta, E., Åhs, F., & Halligan, S. L. (2024). Social support and (complex) posttraumatic stress symptom severity: does gender matter? European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 15(1).
Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving - A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma. Azure Coyote.